And the pork was sitting out far too long when you went back for thirds, and now you've got salmonella. With serious gastrointestinal disturbances of the type not portrayed on dinner plates.
So what should you use while spending a few hours in the bathroom? Not just any old toilet paper, but Luau TP!
Yes, for only $2.99/roll you can have festive luau-themed toilet paper to remind you why you're in this situation in the first place.